Trevor Noah on Trump’s Jailbird Friends – The New York Times

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“Look, if we had more time we could talk about how Trump pretends to be the candidate of law and order. Meanwhile, his friends can fill up an entire prison wing,” Noah joked.
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The longtime chief financial officer of the former president’s business, Alan Weisselberg, reached a deal to plead guilty to 15 felonies on Thursday, admitting to his participation in a tax scheme at Donald Trump’s family business.
“Can we take a moment to appreciate how many associated with Trump have ended up in prison?” Trevor Noah said on Thursday. “His lawyer, his campaign manager, his deputy campaign chairman, now the chief financial officer of his organization? Usually you’ve got to run a drug cartel to have this many friends doing this kind of time, so at this point it’s basically El Chapo and Donald Trump — that’s it.”
“They need to send all these Trump felons to school assemblies to scare kids away from Trump. It’d be like, ‘You think hanging out with the 45th president is cool? That’s what I thought. Now I’m drinking wine out of a toilet. That’s my state of the union, kid!’” — TREVOR NOAH
“Now, I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re wondering to yourself, ‘Surely, if Trump’s second-in-command was committing financial crimes with Trump’s company, then Trump must also be involved in these crimes.’ Well, actually, no. Because, apparently, the story is that he had no idea what was happening in his organization at all levels for decades. He had no clue. And that, my friends, is the kind of leadership that makes him fit to be the next president of the United States.” — TREVOR NOAH
“Now look, if we had more time we could talk about how Trump pretends to be the candidate of law and order. Meanwhile, his friends can fill up an entire prison wing, but we just don’t have the time for that.” — TREVOR NOAH
“I saw that when Netflix rolls out their cheaper plan with ads, users won’t be able to download shows to watch offline. Yes, it’s going to be very different. With the cheaper plan, you get commercial breaks, no downloads, when you try to hit ‘Skip intro,’ it says, ‘Nah.’ ‘Stranger Things’ is just the Jonathan scenes. Each month, they send you a cheese sandwich from the Fyre Festival documentary. When you’re with your parents, it automatically plays the show ‘How to Build a Sex Room.’ And finally, it automatically shares your password with all your exes.” — JIMMY FALLON
Jimmy Fallon and Martin Short walked into a bar on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”
Best known for her deadpan comic role on “Parks and Recreation,” Aubrey Plaza has reinvented herself for her dramatic role in the thriller “Emily the Criminal.”
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